HOME2021-03-26T21:06:04+00:00

I’m Lilith, and you might know about me already, but you haven’t heard the whole story. I haven’t been completely honest with my struggles and keeping that secret has been eating my alive.

As far back as my memory goes, I’ve been anxious and depressed. I was raised in a loud, busy household and coped by simply fading into the background. Never complaining, giving my opinion, or in general choosing the course for my life. And wow, did that habit of keeping quiet suck when my depression hit extra hard when I turned 12. I didn’t know how to cope with this sudden darkness and urge to end my own life, so I ran away from home…for a couple of hours. After a huge ordeal (which honestly, just talk to me personally about) and being given the largest punishment I had ever received, I realized that if I stayed quiet and didn’t act out, no one would know how I felt.

And this habit of just keeping quiet and hiding all the bad stuff away from the world and myself has come to bite me again and again and again.

I was 16 years old when I attempted suicide. The chances of my surviving were almost nill, but I left the wreck of my car with only a scratch. After the shock wore off in the hospital, I felt a strange emptiness. I had done what I thought would guarantee me peace, but I was still here. Now what? 

But the strangest thing happened over the next few weeks. Once I learned that there was this disease called Major Depressive Disord and I was one of the “lucky” group that had it, a fog disappeared and I slowly began riding a high of experiencing life again. I made a video about my story, started a blog under the name “U Can’t B Erased”, and began speaking out about my story and the danger that mental illness is to our youth.

The high didn’t last though. And I remember clearly spending an entire winter only 1 year later burnt out, depressed, and completely drained of emotion and motivation. That didn’t get better. Sure there were some high points. I still loved speaking but struggled to be active in getting my foot in the door to schools and events. I thought I was in love with the most amazing person in the world only for that to end in a devastating ball of flames that took me years to fully recover from. I started business ventures only for them to fizzle out after a short time because I just couldn’t care anymore.

I pushed myself too hard, I convinced myself I could be the savior to everyone, and reality kept smacking me in the face. It was around this time that I turned 21 and could buy alcohol for the first time. Not a good idea. This lead to a vicious cycle of being healthy and clean for a period of time only to crash and repeat all my bad habits all over again.

At not once did I reach out for help. Not help the situation any, it was at this time I was discovering new things about my sexual orientation as well which only caused more doubt, fear, and isolation. I grew up extremely religious, and even though by this time I wasn’t practicing, there were still so many internalized beliefs that I had to unlearn. So I turned to therapy for help, and it did. In fact, the first person I ever told I was gay was to my therapist when I broke down sobbing for a good 10 minutes in front of her. After that self-admittance, I again felt like I had a new lease on life. Things were looking up, and I was feeling good. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.

But of course, what happened? It all came crashing down again.

I knew I had to make a change

Now this brings us to the current moment. I haven’t been active with U Can’t B Erased for over half a year, but that all changes. I asked myself what do I need to A. Stay healthy and B. To live authentically privately and publicly. And I came to some results.

  • Seeing a doctor who actually can help me through means I haven’t tried before
  • Looking back at the past and seeing what has given me fulfillment
  • Knowing how I think when I’m depressed so I know when not to trust myself
  • Accepting that I’m extremely empathetic and locking down emotions is an unhealthy coping technique
  • To dare to be dangerous

These points and more are all what has lead me to here right now. Speaking publicly and not holding back. Fighting for you and me in our times of desperation. Rejecting society’s roles and traditions in favor of expressing ourselves without fear. I’m on a journey right now to discover my authentic self, and I won’t be hiding the ups or downs from you.

No matter who you are or who you love, we’re in this battle against mental illness and those who worsen it together. I’ve fought so many battles so you don’t have to, and I hope I can give you the know-how, resources, and comfort that you need right now.

Love strong,

Lilith Rose

Read my free blueprint on overcoming depression

Take Action

You Can Talk to Me

Please reach out to me if you’re in need of support, have questions, or just need to talk. Everything we discuss is confidential.
Contact Me
Go to Top