We all cope with the bad stuff in our lives in different ways. But there are many unhealthy ways of coping that separate us from the problem rather than dealing with it. So, here’s a list of the main ways you can cope by avoiding the pain.
Denial
This is pretty simple and straightforward. You deny that the trauma or experience ever happened, or you refuse to admit that you have a problem. We see this all the time in relationships where one partner will reject any suggestion or thought that the other partner is abusive or a bad influence. Overcome this with medication and therapy to help you see reality clearly, and by completely trusting one person close to you to always tell you the truth.
Repression
Now, I’m very familiar with this one because this happens to be my coping method of choice. This is where you push down your painful memories and essentially forget them. They’re still there of course, but they’re buried deep within your subconscious. With severe trauma though, there is a potential to induce amnesia and wipe the experience from your memory. The main I’ve started to combat this is to take time to meditate on my past, present, and future. This helps me deal with all the stuff of my life without being overwhelmed by it. Also, by being unashamed and telling my story, I’m turning my past into something good.
Rationalization
This one is pretty self-explanatory. You cope with pain and difficult situations by making up some kind of explanation for events or actions (again, usually with partners in an unhealthy relationship). Now, this isn’t seeing the positive side of life, but rather lying to yourself about reality you need to confront. Overcome this one by listening to the advice from people around you and therapy.
Projection
We’ve all done this. You’re having a bad day, but you convince yourself everyone else is in a bad mood to make yourself feel better. This is especially damaging because it causes you to treat others badly when you’re the one who’s in the wrong. Overcome this one by doing a thorough examination of yourself and others to realize that you’re actually the one in the bad mood. Be real with yourelf. I know it’s scary, and it’s easier to just blame others, but that’s not how you’re going to find happiness and success in life.
Reaction formation
This really isn’t too common, but it’s simply when you take the opposite stance on some issue or belief in public than you do in private. Usually, this happens because you’re trying to convince yourself of something by living it, but it doesn’t work that way. Overcome this by being honest with yourself about who you are and what you believe. Then stick to that no matter what.
Displacement
This is one of the most common and dangerous of unhealthy coping mechanisms. My psychology professor referred to this as the kick-the-dog coping method. The scenario is this: let’s say a husband comes home from a bad day at work, but he can’t he can’t yell at his boss, so he gets angry at his wife for no reason. Then the wife transfers that anger and yells at their kid who goes up to his room and kicks the dog. That poor dog. The main problem with this is that not only are you coping in an unhealthy way, but you’re forcing other people to cope as well. It’s just really unfair to everyone around you to displace your issues onto them. The main way I fight this is by keeping in the back of my mind that I impact people and they impact others based on my actions. I have the choice whether that impact is positive or negative, and I do my best to choose positive.
Regression
Regression is a fun one. Half of me wants to laugh when I think of it, and part of me is just really sad. I think we’ve all seen grown adults act like a complete child. This is what we call it. People do this because the pain or trauma is so much to bear that they hide themselves from the pain by regressing back to being a child. And of course, some cases are worse than others. Again, depending on the severity, this is going to probably require some medication, therapy, and a hard look at yourself.
Identification
This is usually used as a way to deal with anxiety and poor self-image. Since you don’t see your own worth, you find your worth as belonging to something such as a fan base for some celebrity. You can see where this heads though. Because if you don’t have a natural sense of worth, you will keep jumping from group to group or person to person to find that worth which ends up in a sad mess. Finding self-worth is not easy since we’re all flawed in so many ways. But one thing you can try is to keep track of things you’ve accomplished or the good you’ve done to prove to you how awesome of a person you actually are.
Compensations
It’s not all the complicated. You feel insecure about something, so you make it up with something else. We’ll see this commonly in guys who are insecure about themselves and so work out way too much or girls who starve themselves to be skinnier. Not healthy at all. See above for overcoming. I know you’re awesome, now you just need to believe it.
Sublimation
I leave this one for last because this coping mechanism I want everyone to use. We’ve all seen its effects, and probably used it before. This is where you take your pain and transform it into something beautiful. I’m tearing up just writing this. Our greatest pieces of art have come from this place. The great people of our history have exemplified this. And I hope to see this out of every single person I talk to who are suffering right now. Coping mechanisms are by no means all bad, just be careful how you act in the face of adversity.
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